Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Ride report is up now in new improved pdf format, just click below

Monday, May 14, 2012

Noting left but the champagne?

In true grand tour fashion we approach the final stage with the winners all but declared.  With an average on his 6 best stages of 5 points (!!), it looks like even JeffY's magical VIP points cannot put him into contention. The Antelope Prince MarkY would need to score 16 points this Wednesday to tie big Dan and despite back channel communications Marky appears unlikely to bribe his way to the title. Jonesy is finding his sprint form lately especially on Bishop, but a slow start kept him behind the series leaders.  The Caribou was monstrous when he could get to the ride, but alas, responsibilities off the bike... Valoree again retains the distinction of Antelope Queen fending off tough but inconsistent challenges from the Olympian and Molly "the Pink Rocket. "

Last Wed results

Elder Mill: MarkY, Bruce, Dan

Bishop: Jonesy, JeffY, DanH
(no ladies points, only one lady)

Come help us celebrate with a parade race this Wednesday followed by drinks and food at Chops and Hops.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Stage 8

A brisk tempo, 24 sign ins, and Big Dan staying on top. JeffY showing what he's made of  and Jonesy still has balls. Welcome to the pack Kelley M, PeteB and William V

Elder Mill
--Bob, Dan, Jeff
--Jonesy, Dan, Jeff

--not sure, Ladies don't seem to want to report anyone there victories

Bob's podium was accidental, he was trying to lead out the antelopes but they just couldn't hang on his wheel, he jammed on the brakes but was so far ahead he still crossed the finish line first.  That's why I don't try to lead out the antelopes on Elder Mill, just afraid that once I get going I won't be able to stop quick enough to avoid winning. Fortunately for Max Reps aka Timmeh, his upper body strength allows him to brake with greater force then the rest of the Min Rep herd avoiding accidental podiums

Dan awarded a point for wearing the leader's jersey to the ride, unfortunately he lost a point by starting the ride out too fast.

Jonesy awarded 26 points for  trying to qualify for the ProAm at Twilight, unfortunately he lost 27 points for blaming his wheels (too light)  for not qualifying. Fortunately he was also awarded one point for blaming his wheels for not qualifying.

Max Reps awarded 3 points for qualifying for Twilight ProAm--Way to go Max!

BradP awarded 3 points for most improved pedal stroke and pack manners

Liviu the Romanian Rocket awarded 3 points for best nerve block on an Antelope under anesthesia (may be eligible for additional a priori points pending additional herd members going under the knife/scope).

Evan F awarded 3 points for being fastet medical doctor over the age of 50 not named Chris.

Todd H awarded 1 pre-emptive point for outstanding future anesthesia on an Antelope herd commissioner

Bethany G awarded 1 point for managing to keep her hands of her cute boyfriend in the parking lot.

2 more Wednesdays to go of the series. After 5/16 we celebrate at Chops and Hops after the ride (bring some shorts to change into).

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Dan H pulled on the striped jersey once again to lead out a crowd in the upper 20s (of people that is) in Stage 5 of the AWC. With only 3 weeks to go in the series,  it will be tough to knock big Dan out of the jersey. Key details of last Wed:

Elder Mill
Marky, DanH, Charlie

Val, Bethany

Jonesy, DanH, JeffY

Molly, Val

You may have heard the Union Cyliste Antelope is under investigation for point fraud. I want to state unequivocally that I have nothing to do with the sudden appearance of 7 extra points in Jeffy's column and it has nothing to do with getting me into the VIP area at twilight. Enough said. We won't discuss this anymore.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Cue the Stripper Music: Stage 4

Where were you when Dan got naked to prove his love for all things Antelope? It was cloudy and cool on Wednesday but the weather people figured out by 5pm that rain wasn't going to happen.  A stalwart pack of 6 riders braved the 59 degree temps, risking their antlers on the dry roads and mild temperatures. Double participation points for hard men of post winter-mid spring who brave seasonal temperatures!

Charlie Caribou

Where were you? You missed the unveiling of the leader's jersey. Literally days of racing history rides on the shoulders of this unique wildlife themed short sleeve full zip apparel. It was designed by the far less well known but uberly talented Zebulon Hincapie, also known as "the other, other brother (from a different mother)."

The clouds parted just a little bit to create streaming sunshine spotlight on this radiant racing relic. Or was that just the locals with their flashlights waiting for the dance.

Cue the stripper music.

Current leader DanH bared all and we captured this historical moment.
boom shalalaka boom shakalakah

I hope my nipple tape doesn't show through this jersey

I am the Antelope King! I can do anything!

There is little else to add but the results
Elder MIll
Mark--2 pts
Dan--1 pts

Mark's second came despite a massive lead out worthy of an additional point.
Among the coveted master's division (46 and older) yours truly devastated the older half of the pack taking the Old Man point.

Dan  3 pts
Charlie 2 pts
Troy 1 pt

Once again Mark did a massive lead out garnering an extra point. Troy's third gets doubled for his leading of the single speed category. This time Tony D outkicked Kogan for the master's point. good job TonyD.

Tomorrow is Stage 5 of 8. See you there.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Stages 2 and 3

April 4: Pack=24 strong

The Day of the Ironwoman--Val does the double taking the queen sprint at Elder Mill and Bishop. Molly vows revenge for Bishop.

Men's sprint: Elder
Jonesy 3
JeffY 2
Dan  1
Massive chase point: Liviu 1 point

Men's sprint, bishop
Jake 3
JeffY 2
Dan H 1

Fashion Point: Jack "Bad to The" Bone:
Sorry Ladies, I'm spoken for

Stage 3:
27 sign in!
Antelope Status clarified, Dan Hall reveals horns, cheetahs keep the antelopes safe.

Friendly cheetahs Frank the Tank and Bill Boonen taking care of wayward antelopes

Queen challenge:
Oh my god that Nina can climb
Nina 2 points
Val 1 point

OMG that Molly can sprint, revenge on Val complete
Molly 2 points
Nina  1 point

Unfortunately love has made Bethany slow. But she has love.

King challenge
DanY 3 points
Caribou 2
JohnB  1

Marky  3
Dan  2
Caribou  1

Bringin da beer point: Bill "Boonen"

Mad safety and fun rules this edition of the Cup.
DanH owns the lead and will don the vaunted zebra jersey
Val hangs onto queen lead

Enjoy some pictures, they are Mark's favorites

Hang on to this signature, it will be worth a lot one day.

Need my crown back

I got your lantern rouge right here

Romanians are strong.

Hmmm, 2012, a good year for gatorade.
Love hasn't made us slow

I*s he taking our picture, oh shit
Mr. Baby decides not to ride this week.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

I got Ur Tour of Flanders right Here: Antelope World Cup Stage 1

With the pollen competing for oxygen with brush fires and the flowers competing for most ripe, luscious, and tasty insect attractor, the internal biological clock of your average 40-something year old cyclist, and a few young uns and grandpas, sends through the legs, lebonz, and ligaments....a buzz. At first we wonder," is it the good weed?" or  "Have I been sitting on the washing machine again?"  or "Is there a loose hub cartridge in my rear wheel?"

But of course it is the internal alarm crying out for competition, desperate to leave the long hours of indoor training and frigid rides in the unforgiving head winds of Winter. Its time to leave work, to leave family, to leave reality, and to gather in the parking lot of destiny....

Is this the parking lot of destiny?

This is the parking lot of destiny right?

Your are in the parking lot of destiny. Will you survive?

There were thousands of frolicking antelope crowding the parking lot of destiny last Wednesday.

Dang crowded in here.

Ominously there was a pack of cheetahlopes playing hookey from the silos

Silos? What silos? Do they have grain? I'm a vegetarian.

Yeh, vegetarian, me too.

In a positive development, four lady antelopes contested Stage 1, reviving the competition for queen.
Believe it bitches, Bethany be back!
Prior to hitting the road, the restless throng gathered for the presentation of the 10 commandments of the Antelope Herd Rides....

And a tube shall rest in every saddle bag!

then  charged off into the evening.

A frolicsome pack of more than 25 riders clicked in and formed into a double paceline for 28 miles of glory.  Frank deTank, one of the Cheetahlopes playing hookey helped me to establish a kind, sedate pace out Colham Ferry so the herd could catch up on all the happenings over the long winter.

17 miles of peaceful spinning later it was time to get serious. A focused pack turned down Elder Mill awaiting the whistle. At the sound of the red breasted poppin cardinal jay tweet, the stampede was on. Once again the final steep rise just before the end of the main hill separated the climbers from the rest, the fat from skinny, the sheep from the goats.
You  will climb with great velocity while you will pant and vomit. No, VO2Max intervals will not help.

I'm sure it was great fun up there with Dan's erect hair tuft, the Caribou's grinning mug, BobR studying for the bar and Frank, Matt, and Bill waiting for the move to pounce on. I wouldn't know. Tony and I were holding down the chase pack making sure someone kept the leaders in view. To hear the story, Bob engaged the electronic assist so Dan lassoed him with his special wonder woman golden rope of truth.  Charlie grabbed hold of the middle of the lasso  and Bob towed them to the line.
Elder Mill
BobR- 3 points
Caribou- 2 points
Dan's erect hair tuft- 1 point

The excitement wasn't over.  Kathleen's expert sabotage on Bethany's bike at her last tune up, worked perfectly and Bethany dropped her chain. Nina and Val fought an epic battle for the line.

I will be queen!!

In a photo finish Nina just took the line:
Nina --3 points
Val---2 points
Kathleen --1 point

We commenced the soft pedal waiting on Grandpa Hoser. I swear I heard a Canadian accent yell "OK I'm just aboot on"  before we went back to tempo. Oh well.

It wasn't long before the Bishop sprint loomed.  I was busily chatting away when some kind soul reminded me:

Hey dickhead, you going to blow the whistle?

So I blew the whistle. Like a rocket a 3 man break exploded from the pack. Boonen and Karzen were hanging on to Tank's wheel for dear life. The unexpected attack shook the peloton and turned Bishop Rd into a long hairy mess of panting cyclists desperate to chase them down.

In a heroic turn. MarkY pulled a Jens Voigt at the front of the pack, sacrificing all for the good of the herd and making it a competition.

Sweating for Martyrdom Award: MarkY- 2 points
At the line, it was
Bill Boonen Ricke--3 pionts
DanH-2 points
Tony--1 point

The woman's podium was a familiar refrain:
Nina 3 points
Val 2 points
Kathleen 1 point

And thus concluded a fun filled, safe day of what the Humble Crier calls "pedal rotation."  The comish had brought an extra store of points for any enterprising Antelope who remembered that bringing beer to the parking lot brings great blessings on one's karma and one's point total, but alas I just took all those extra points home with me in my points bag.
Just bring a six pack and we can go home with you!
Remember the series is 8 weeks and we drop your worst 2 days of point totals.  See you next week.