Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Stage 2: Antelopes Lock Horns

 What? Where was last week's ride report?

Alright, I have thought of many excuses, stories, and works of fiction to explain away the lack of a timely report on last week's ride. But I can't do it, I can't lie, so I'm coming out with the truth.

I was kidnapped by female Somali pirates who made me their sex slave.  I endured 6 days of utter objectification being used in arcane fertility rites until last night the guard outside my hut had just a little too much to drink. I carefully lifted the keys to my manacles from her belt and freed myself running naked through the jungles of Walton county until  a friendly farmer gave me a ride into Watkinsville.

Now I can finally write the ride report.

Wednesday, April 13, 22 Antelopes checked their shorts for transparency before converging on the Watkinsville courthouse for Stage 2 of the Antelope Cup. Many familiar faces joined the herd including Chris H, Terry , and da Beast with  a derailleur and everything. Regional celebrity and junior prince of speed "lil' Cappy" came by to help inspire the old fellas to sprint just a little harder.

It was a chill spin to the first whistle when the antelopes put their hoofs in the drops and began locking horns.
BenS took off and initiated the stampede. Lenny tried to slow him down by tying a thin rope to his seatpost but Ben was ready and whipped out a razor blade to free himself just before attacking. Seeing Ben's razor, Jeff was heard saying "its on now" as he pulled a switch blade out of his jersey pocket. Three more antelopes pulled out weapons before suddenly breaking into song, something about Jets and Sharks. Lil Cappy shot through the distracted peloton shocking everyone back into focus. Lil cappy set a blistering pace and antelopes were cracking left and right, then he pulled off to let the old men have their glory at the line. Jonesy (not an old man) showed a massive uphill kick, stunning the peloton with his hill climbing prowess.

1. Jonesy   3points
2. Dan        2 points
3. Ben         1 point

Lead out point: Lil cappy

The herd gathered and prepared for the Bishop sprint. Superdraft took off on an early and hopeless breakaway. The peloton gave him 10 seconds then began closing the gap. This time Chris H took a massive pull cranking up the mid way roller engulfing Superdraft and thinning out the crowd. Lil Cappy took the final lead out and at the fnish line it was:
1. JeffY   3  points
2. Spinmaster  2 points
3. daBeast     1 point

Lead out point, Chris H

With 2 stages down, Thin Daddy leads the standings by one point over Jeff "the King" Young. Ride report from today's stage 3 contest soon to follow, check local listings.

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