Friday, December 3, 2010

Is This Blog Dead or What?

Each week I get an email which reminds me what a pathetic blogger I have been. It counts my visitors. Since I so irresponsibly stopped posting in October I have seen that yes, some visitors went a lookin for some bloggin and I have watched it become a desperate trickle.

I I have let my 3 steadfast readers (Mom, my wife, and that anonymous visitor) down. Every day I go  back and forth. Can I make a commitment? If I write a new post can I  be consistent and follow it up regularly?  Do I have enough content? Can I really keep it up everyday? The older you get, the harder it is to keep it up on a daily basis, and though my sense of humor has not evolved one iota since I was 13, I am no longer a spring chicken with content ready to burst several times a day.

Then there is pesky job thing.  I tried to get rid of it. I bought TWO megamillions tickets last week and prepared to become a millionaire. I did not match a single number. Can you believe that? I was going to dedicate my days to training for Cat 5 road races and Sport MTB races with my new live in coach, Chris Carmichael. It just wasn't meant to be. Evidently I am going to have to work for a living.

So is there a way to be a consistent blogger and have a day job and spend as much time as I possibly can on my bike? I'm going to give it a shot. Being an analytical sort I have assessed my previous mistakes and decided I need to make some changes in my approach to blogging:

1. I just can't do so many pictures and use them to try to be funny. It really takes a long time to find them and they take forever to upload.

2. some posts will be short

3. I can't try quite as hard to be funny. I'm just going to have to talk and it may not be funny. This is hard for me as for my whole life I have attempted (with inconsistent success) to be funny. So some posts will simply suck.

4. I am going to ask people to contribute content. Send me text! I will pose questions and requests for conversations and want to include content from others. Unfortunately when I proposed this to my steadfast readers, my Mom said I don't think so and MHW (My Hot Wife) just rolled her eyes. I am awaiting on anonymous to weigh in.

5. I will ripoff ideas from more talented bloggers

6. There may be spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors.

On to the important stuff.

I have survived three rides with the Cheetahs: two next day rides and the Jittery Joes metric century. Tomorrow is the big day WBL #1 and the Antelope  Survival Challenge. I have learned many things from these experiences:

1. I continue to be intimidated as hell in the parking lot and wondering if I am trying to do something way over my head.
2. 20mph average on a ride is doable but very intense. It's like a  race where I have to focus intensely on getting every bit of strength from my body that I can.
3. David Crowe is some sort of wind breaking machine. Let me clarify that. The dude pulls entire rides into vicious head winds, hammering 25mph in situations I couldn't maintain 17mph in.
4. I will be dropped on hills that are too steep or too long, because.....

I am 2 fat.

Oh, I know what you are going to say," no Antel" (short for Antelope, get it?) "you look fine, you don't look fat!" I carry it well and sure, for a non cycling citizen I am probably not obese. But I am not at a reasonable cycling weight especially for someone who wants to climb hills on Cheetah training rides. So we come to my first trick for creating blog content. A massive rip off of Fatcyclist. I am going to post my weight on a regular basis so the internet and all 3 people who may read this will know when I am being an undisciplined fat ass and when I am making progress. My fervent hope is that people will comment or email me with RIDICULE. Please DO NOT send messages of support and encouragement. These things don't help. What I need is shame, humiliation, and embarrassment. We are talking about behavior change here not self-esteem. So I  invite you to contribute degrading comments on my weight.

For example:
--My god, no wonder you're fat ass never won the Elder Mill sprint!
--At least your IQ is a little higher than your BMI
--That big and you can't even sprint?
--I thought clydesdales were supposed to be tall

and so forth. Now I am going to leave my computer and go upstairs and weigh self. Hold on a minute.

OK I'm back, sorry that took so long.


Hell yeh! I was 200 at the doctor 2 weeks ago and then ate T-giving to the point of wanting to puke. so I'm happy. But please don't let that stop you from saying things about my fattitutde. Here are my goals

180lbs--a fine weight for me at 5'11. I may get up some hills. This is probably a fine weight for me to always be at
175 lbs--I haven't seen this weight in 15 years. Maybe I could podium on Elder Mill?
170lbs- I haven't seen this weight in 20 years. I bet I could finish a sport MTB race in the top 10 as long as there aren't too many rocky sections.

In addition to commenting on how humiliated I should be so as to encourage continued good eating behavior, I would be happy to post other people's weights who are also trying to lose.

So I am very excited about tomorrow's ride and hope that many antelopes with excellent pack skills come out so I am less intimidated in the parking lot. I would also appreciate it if some people I am actually stronger than show up so if I get cracked I can have some company. Remember to stand up and hammer after turns and stop signs, keep the gaps tight, and try not to be at the back.

Some other tips from my vast experience as a slow guy:
1. If you get up early enough there is time to poop several times before a ride.
2. Bile can be swallowed
3. Keep your significant other on alert for pickup duty.

Who among the Antelope herd will come home with the Cheetahs after 75 miles at 20mph? It's on! tomorrow (Saturday) at Sunshine downtown at 10am.



  1. I thought I was riding my bike behind a truck but it was really you and your ass.

  2. Steve, I'm assuming this is still you writing this blog, which somehow the click of my fingers in FB led me t. I'm laughing outloud wondering if you public self-flagellation on your weight. If so, forget those lottery tickets and just start a website for all of us. I tried posting my weight on the kitchen wall, thinking that would work. It didn't. Good luck, you fat-so. You are so very silly.

  3. now correct all those typos i made for more good times.